He had just proposed to her two weeks ago and we were together 3 years. Not sure if like atteacts like in cases like this or what. Turned my life upside down but and I am so glad I had the strength to leave and know I deserve better. But there are forums like Divorce Busting that have online support groups you might find more posters who can answer your questions or get more feedback. When I met my husband (soon to be x husband) he had a girlfriend that he said was abusive, controlling, manipulative among other things. Then i found out she was still seeing him, she called again, in front of me again and said same thing, cannot see u again, but i found out again a month later she was stiil seeing him, fortunately i had taken a job long long ways away and the next week we moved. His career is his only place of stability. I asked her are just you and the girlfriend going and she and she said yes, just the two of them. She is incredibly blatant about trying to cheat. After about a year of this cat and mouse game I got fed up and applied for divorce. My mother is a narcissist, told me shortly after my father passed of cancer how shed not only lost her husband, lover and confidenant (less than a year before telling a 13 yr old me she was planning on leaving him). Usually they will continue with the same behavior as before. I do feel love for her but that something that Im missing that drives my behavior leaves me only guessing. I know why he sounds flat and like all the energy and happiness has been sucked out of him. Everything my ex accused me of, I just apologised for, agreed with her, and just went on my way. My first marriage went along the path of codependent and narcissist. He had new supply lined up way before he discarded me. They crush peoples lives and end up on top, again and again, and again. Let me tell you how this plays out. I guess my question is, is this normal? I often get the question of whether you should stay, or leave a narcissist. This is a symptom of their condition. Amazon.com. Finally, it does not matter what the NARC says about you to anyone, they will be found out of you do this: STAND IN YOUR OWN TRUTH WITH DIGNITY AND SELF RESPECT, DO NOT LOWER YOURSELF TO THE NARCS DEPTHS OF HOPELESSNESS, AND REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE ESCAPED FROM A TERRIBLE EXISTENCE, AND THE ROAD AHEAD IS NOW CLEAR FOR AN AMAZING LIFE THAT YOU WILL HAVE. a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to We tried a reconciliation but his constant abandonment kept occurring. lol. They actually were in on it together waiting for her to close on her house so he could leave me and move in with her. I contacted Legal Aid and am hoping to get my back support and my $100 back. I was in a relationship with a narc for 6 years. why should I care?..because I truly loved him and she will someday be in my shoes, Isnt it funny how most of these narcs are men! Its like rewatching a movie, knowing when the plot twists are, then watching the characters act them out a moment later. The rest of the time she was sharing selfies of expensive holidays, her wedding, things he bought her publically, not just friends/family. So yes the spouse will be used and abused, all the same but in enough doses not to overdo it too often. I didnt get that much financial support in the settlement, just $100.00. I am fresh out of a narcissistic marriage he remarried before the ink was dry ..I too feel as lakes does. No, his divorce was final and we got married 10 days later. Narcissists also feel a real sense that they arent good enough. This went on for months and we never even kissed properly. I have notes from 2012 about him and what hes been doing. How to Tell a Narcissist You Want a Divorce? He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Stop thinking that way. Think Narc, think Medussa. Truly move on, dont wait for them to come back because if they do it will only be for self serving reasons. You are explaining what just happened to me to a tee. Thats because Im not the narcissist you tried to make me out to be. Narcissists have a serious psychological condition which makes it difficult for them to tell the truth or have empathy for others. Im rid of her and she married the idiot. He and the ex girlfriend had apparently gotten back together sometime after we were married without my knowledge. OMGI am reading all of these comments and I am shocked, that this is not me making things up. Want to know more? I know why he looks as though hes aged an entire decade in the last year, because I did. Its like they seem to share the house, no family going on. I believe he feels the same way. Most worrying (to me anyway), is that she cant stand his son and complains about how annoying he is when he stays with them. I was married to a NARC and dealt with a lot of dark things from this man. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . He asked me to marry him after two months. Narcissists often rush into marriage and then a remarriage. Her fourth marriage and she is only a few months into 43 years old! Often they will be cheating, or have someone else on the line. Since then she has totally confused me. He spoke of marriage allllll the time yet when we met he was still married but separated, so he says. The evidence is there in the literature that they dont change their spots and go on to abuse the next person down the lineBut what would that say about the new man, herself and me if they lived happily after could, if she was an N. he handle her impulsiveness, mercurial attitude, lack of empathy etc? October: Kids report Daddy is marrying the girlfriend on 10:4/17. Narcissists usually get remarried as a way to improve their image and supplement their sense of self worth. Leave all the emotions out (even if youre faking it till you make it), dont react to smear-campaigning, and use some Hollywood-style PR to get your life and sanity back by not giving him any form of supply at all (through reactions, emotions, facial expressions, etc.). He probably goes around telling everyone about all of his "great" accomplishments. Slapped a ring on her finger after 4 months, moved into her house. As public opinion ebbs and flows, so does the narcissists self-confidence, self-esteem, sense of self-worth, or, in other words, so does his Self. I broke up with him after that and found out later he was already seeing and planning a life with his next victim. They may lie, twist the truth,. Second, narcissists are always concerned about their image and narcissists to need people more than the typical person does. Is there something in the narcissists mind about the new source that makes them more prone to such a drastic step? Empathy is necessary for sensitivity to others' feelings and compassion. A Need For Complete Control People with narcissistic personalities might seek complete control in their relationships. He left me in the emergency room and never came back. When we met wow, just the most incredible woman i had ever known. It is not uncommon to find when a narcissist remarries it is to someone younger to promote their self-image as being younger. I know it hurts, and I imagine you feel rejected, but those feelings will fade. The narcissistic personality is unstable in each and every one of its dimensions. I dont know if their marriage will last or not but I care not because its not me that he is treating bad anymore. Everything, that is, except for his work. The week before I left she was trying to get me to have her tubes unties. Threw me out of our home after 10years together for a woman he never met but who had a house and this fab virtual reality life on facebook. I pray the next victim does not have children. He had two kids both of different relationships. Your life is to be lived with respect to where you have come from but with the greatest courage to love yourself enough to move forward (and find a support system of friends that will help you). No he told me when i called him that they did not meet on the bus that day, they had planned to meet few days before. They become involved in relationships to ensure their needs are met and obtain Narcissistic Supply. The N. I was married to for 28 yrs just remarried. Thus, a narcissist evaluates whether he wants to develop a relationship with someone on the basis of their utility. I have proof that he was not faithful in our marriage. His career is his only place of stability. So, have enough confidence to put forth what is right and do not back down. Now my thinking is this if u are done with an ex and totally really done, then why not tell them, yea, I am taking a guy I am involved with there also, so get on with your life? So i asked her, have u been with any other guy since we separated and she said no, but she is looking and hopefully will fine a guy soon. Any publicity is good publicity, even through marriage. Sure, I would love to know what was real, and what was her just trying to make me jealous, but in the end, who cares. Wow this is the exact situation that my ex wife isnt in. In our old house he was quick to move me out of. I couldnt understand how this man could have had two lives and I didnt know. Please say a little prayer for me. By the time he had been divorced in our relationship it was about a year and the newness had worn off and he has cheated over and over. His response to divorce is to walk away and not answer emails or calls from me or my daughter (the one he adopted). He made me do horrible things. You cry a lot. August: Girlfriend has now assumed all of Dads parental roles and responsibilities. By the time we were in the process of a divorce he had not only one GF but two (that I know of). I fear what he will do to me. Im wondering sometimes if she was just using me as a plaything and wasnt necessarily a narcissist at all. He wants people to think he is better than they are, and that includes you - especially you. No. Realize that that is their problem, not yours. Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide Both adults change their relationship status on FB to engaged. And in any kind of relationship settingplatonic,. Your narcissistic spouse may not be able to support you or show genuine emotion. He falls in and out of love with people, workplaces, residences, vocations, hobbies, interests because they seem to be able to provide more or less Narcissistic Supply and for no other reason. The Type of People Narcissists Actually Respect Ramelize The Empath Sees Right Through Narcissists' Lived Fallacy Wendy Geers in Dark are the Secrets Behind These Walls THIS is What Trauma. It was really eye-opening to read pretty much the exact same thing my ex wrote to me! It sucks what your going through but to find someone with the opposite traits as your narc will truly be amazing! Narcissist use marriage and relationships as a way of obtaining status and prestige in their community. The second method of retention, cost-inflicting behaviors, is far darker and intimidating and just as abusive as the gift-giving method. So, narcissists will remarry if it makes them look good. Nope. So I ask my husband about it who shrugs his shoulders and sais he has no idea what our son is talking about. I could go on and on about the mental abuse. I could do nothing right. After 2 years of him struggling to get out of that relationship including her getting a court order to have him locked out of his homeyes, his homehe moved in with my daughter and I. Commentdocument.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "aa8fd91bafe6fcca7b8140a7bdbf1f14" );document.getElementById("i2dc42b6e0").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. His kids will attend his wedding- I told them to stay out of the business of warning Ying- its none of their business. I was very successful in my work and commenced my doctorate part-time while also raising his 3 children (his wife had died). He has convinced the entire family that I am crazy. He describes the ladys home, where they went what they do together in great detail. Look these pigs will never change and ladies look out bc they are master manipulators liars and cheaters. This was very helpful. NOTHING. I know it was weird of me to keep reading them, but its so strange to watch your own relationship being reenacted in front of you by two other people. Get a temporary order. She acts like a teenager, spending all her free time drinking and smoking pot, despite being almost 40. Anyhow 3 months ago she came to my office and told me she wants a divorce, she does not love me anymore, and we separated on May 3rd. Could a second marriage actually last with these type conditions? Hmm, same thing he told me. Just a thought here.the temptation to compare her new companion with you is realbut try to resist. So, why would a narcissist remarry rather than cohabitate or have long term girlfriend / boyfriend? She asked myself and another woman if we knew any rich guys we could introduce her to. The following traits are good signs that your husband may be a narcissist: 1. So, why do narcissists marry? He had his vasectomy reversed to conceive this child. Once my father passed she pretty much made me responsible for my sister and shirked all parental responsibility for either of us after that. Because I was stable, he tried sweet talking me and I could tell he was trying to move back into my life again. I had enough. In a marriage or serious relationship, a narcissist can demand they be loved, and shame you when you arent doing what they want. Nine months later we were married, and a year after that I had a baby. The first year it was great. He left and said we had too many scars that couldnt be fixed. Everything she has ever told me was a lie, so why would she start being honest now? But I thought if I kept quiet life would be ok. According to experts, a second marriage for a narcissist might actually be more stable than a first marriage for most people. So fast forwarding to when we came to Canada. He was charming, told me he loved me constantly and that he was a lucky guy . I believe now that he got bored or I was not filling his supply like the excitement of a new relationship and he had to quickly get that addiction met so he didnt feel bad. It kills me. I should point out, he never asked me out or made any attempt to have an affair. Being married to a narcissist may be hard but understanding how a narcissist stays married is much easier. If they left you congratulations! Well after 4 years, this past fall he sat me down and told me he thought I was in love with a co-worker and had the hots for his sons best friend. And, make you feel extremely cherished and loved. He is remarried to a 28 year old who blames me for him disrespecting her. I did all of these things myself and I remember exactly what my life was like back then. Her contention to this day is that they were only friends and nothing else. I also find it weird that my ex found someone from the Philippines. That is a material thing which is easy to let go of. I stayed in out of fear mostly. He is young and it is probably his imagination he says with a smirk. Responding to any smear, lie, slander, gossip from your EXN, only focusses attention on the actual smear/lie, and you end up trying to defend yourself against the smear; any attention/response that you provide is what the NARC wants, the NARC is pushing your buttons 3. All of these tactics can make them seem too good to be true. Fight for custody. I feel a certain amount of guilt knowing this marriage will end like the others have and there is nothing I can do or say to stop the destruction of another family. I am still trying to figure out why he stayed in our marriage so long. Its surreal. He played his cards well. Got a job for two months, complained that the boss was mean because she couldnt get away with being an arrogant spoiled brat at work, then ragequit one day. Two weeks later and I see photographs of her new man on facebook. Almost four years later I helped him ring his child from Chile and I saw the real him. After about a week he was texting me and calling me again and wanting to work things out. What is narcissistic supply? Always said it was in her fantasy to have great sex with me but when it came to action Promised a few weeks ago that FINALLY she would have time for usShe cancelled yet another meeting and I read her the riot act listing all the things she was/did: self-righteous/lacking empathy/insensitive/never observing boundaries etc. He told me they ALL cheated on him. I have recently found out that my ex-wife that i met and married in China then 2 years later came to Canada, my home country, is definitely narcissistic. A woman who is pleasing in bed well, its not really as lasting as other qualities. Truly I was like a door mat and made the fatal mistake of showing my love/emotional hand too soon (she said.) In many cases, narcissistic behavior patterns have led to problems in the narcissist's marriage, family, friendships, and career. But many want sex to be more mutually pleasing. Any tips on what works best when your ex , a Narcissist, begins an onslought of lies after his narcissistic binge post remarriage? Usually they will try to spread rumors about you. It all really depends on what their spouse does for them. The sex was mostly forceful and rough. And yes, some women offer both. To cut a long story short, she played with me for months on end like a cat would play with a sick/dying mouse. Need advice. Ive only ever see her treat him like dirt. Everything in his life is in constant flux: friends, emotions, judgments, values, beliefs, place of residence, affiliations, even hobbies. Hmm. I was determined like a fool to be his everything and never let him be looking again. IM TOTALLY FREEEEEEEEEE. Then the hell began. Saying move forward instead of move on, is so important to hear. I was his 4th wife and less than 1 year after our divorce he had remarried on to wife #5. He was cheating with many women before her and I knew who he was seeing but this one was new. He needed that status of me leaving him. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. A narcissist will never stay married through the expression of love, compassion, or respect. Filed for divorce after 5 yrs of dancing with the Devil. He got us so far into debt, I could not afford to divorce himfinally I just didI did not care, I moved out. 1. Widely-regarded as one of the central events in a person's life. http://samvak.tripod.com/faq32.htmlhttp://getoveranarcissist.com/narcissist-narcissism-marriage/. Lied, cheats, loves attention and makes out to be one person but is completely another. Never bear anything wrong done to you. We had to back to court 2 years later as he wouldnt pay me and didnt pay the kids medical bills. Im in a mess. You take his calls and end up being there for him emotionally thinking hell see the light and come back to you. The day he physically harmed my son and in the moment I confronted him and looked into his blank eyes, I knew I had to get my children away from this man I didnt even recognize. He was living with his 3rd wife 5 months after we separated and living with his 4th wife 4 months after leaving his 3rd wife. U will feel better. Until they get bored and find a secondary supply. I get way too much release from responding to his texts and emails because he can not constantly interrupt these and I can actually defend myslef when he isnt spuing lies out and talking over and through any response I have. So the next time you walk into the office, put a smile on that face. Living with a narcissist or dating a vulnerable narcissist can be draining, especially if you are married or deeply committed to one. He treated me and my kids like chop liver in my own house. I asked her 2 days ago on the phone if she would help me with the demons i have had in my head for years and she said ok. The narcissists view of himself and of his world is correspondingly unstable. I divorced a narcissist 44 years ago. We tried, or I should say I tried, and I could tell it seemed like to me he was living a different life. Being a husband or a wife gives a narcissist the excuse they need extract the praise and affecting that they feel the world owes them in a way that is likely to look and feel natural to the rest of the world. I was finally rid of him, I bought a house for my daughter and I. He was very violent to me before and I am scared to death that he will come and shoot me. Furthermore, narcissists are addicted to attention. Id get a string you along text then full of exclamation marks an emoticons or even a selfie of her body parts. He tells me he wants a divorce. Then this shot of light came into my darkness so much so that I thought Id experienced a hallucination. If his new source provides him with the ability to obtain that which he could not achieve on his own, he will go to great lengths to secure this as a constant source of Narcissistic Supply. He was a tenant of mine and was dating someone when I met him. He is trying desperately to get me and my now five year old son (who is his only child) out of the house. As a spouse to a narcissist, we cant expect them to change, or force them to change. He made up some elaborate story to make me look bad to everyone. But, being married to a narcissist means you will be taking part of a daily struggle. Kids report she has moved into the home. Healthy boundaries are crucial in all relationships, but especially in second marriages." Kurt Smith, a therapist who counsels men All I ever heard was how I was taking away from her life. People with narcissistic personality disorder are generally unwilling to accept any responsibility for anything that they are doing that makes their spouse unhappy. The best thing you can do for your relationship is take to the time to reflect on what has been going on between you, and decide based on your morals, ethics, and self-respect if the narcissist your love has crossed the line. We just got on incredibly well and there was very obvious attraction. The behaviors of my ex- deteriorated into controlling and bizarre rants. So, a narcissist will remarry to increase their access to the type of emotional supply that they need from other people. The main reason for this is that narcissists place an extremely high importance on their own needs and desires. NO CONTACT 5. Share your concerns with your spouse. Everyone should set a point for themselves where enough is enough. Long story short when she got home at 6pm she went right into the shower. I thought that now he was getting a divorce and would be able to freely do what he wanted that he would be satisfied with that but he continue to find ways to torture me or get back at me in a very subtle ways. Its almost as bad watching someone I love go through that torture as it was going through it myself. Engaged after a month whilst still married to me. You will have been working on yourself, exercising, getting stronger, doing all those things youd put off and seeing all those people you hadnt seen while you were with him. Leave with kids in tow in June of 2012. They like to do the leaving first. When that court matter and relationship ended we got married and had a baby, registered a business, bought a house, bought another house where we had tenants and the business was going good. Divorcing a Narcissist is the ultimate challenge, The Narcissist Keeps Coming Back and Contacting Me, My Narcissist Boyfriend is Jealous of my Ex. I told him one day that I wanted intimacy in our sex and not just naughty, nasty, sex. He left his 1st wifes bed to mine literally the same day; however I didnt discover this until after him and I separated. Within weeks she was shacked up with someone else, a guy she swore was just a friend when I asked her days before I left, lol, sending me emails and texts saying she was in Cabo, or the islands somewhere.